Peer review for 20424최예은

Peer Review for 20424최예은

Grade

According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?

 3. Its thesis is clear. But I think the introduction(the introduction and narration) is long and the evidences are too many.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?

 Shorter introduction and apparent evidencesThesis

What is the thesis?

Sport psychology is much more important than physical training :psychology has a great impact on sports as much as physical ability.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?

yes it is

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?

 Much shorter introduction and apparent evidences.

Any other thoughts?

  nope.Classical Argument

Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?

 I think the introduction is too long. To my sorrow, I can not distinguish between the introduction and narration.Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 

 I think she leads to the thesis apparently.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

 As  I said I can not distinguish between the introduction and narration. But I think the introduction part generally gives necessary background information.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

Yes Through 4 reasons, she leads the confirmation adequately to support the thesis. However, in the end, there are unnecessary examples. Of course, those examples support the confirmation. But, I think it is too many. 

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?

I think she finds good refutations. It is a realistic counterpoint. 

And I think she refutes it reasonably. But I think it is better to find much more refutations that refute the four reasons she argued.Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 

Yes it is. She apparently does it. And the latest paragraph is clear and logical

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?

I think she will be good if she make the introduction part shorter and lessen the examples for the reasons.Persuasion

When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 

 I agreed with her. I thought that psychological things can affect the games as much as the physical thingsWhen you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

I agreed with her.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?

I agreed with her.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?

 I don't think the introduction part should be long. The most important parts of the essay is the confirmation and refutation. For better essay, therefore, it should be short.Research

Is the author using research effectively? 

 I think she uses the research effectively. But apparent evidences are needed.Is the research from appropriate sources?

Yes. The research is enough to support the argument.

Are the sources obvious?

   Yes. I think the sources are logical and obvious.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

  Yes. They are relevant to the essay.Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?

There is no need much more evidence. But I think the evidence is too many. I want much more clear and shorter essay.